What’s Up Wednesday ~ Has Ritalin replaced the good ‘ole butt-beating??

Got your attention didn’t I?  Advice needed…. PLEASE!!

What is up with the fact that the Dr.’s office does not think my child is their number 1 priority?  What is up with the mountain high stack of report files I just witnessed in said doctor’s office, all of patients requiring the extended review of the doctor in order to obtain additional school help/aide?  Have we as a society come full circle in NOT being able to help our children because we are trying to help too many for not always the right reasons??  Stick with me here…  I have many points and as always… this is how I seek “counseling”  – I write it up… I read it over and over… I send it out into the great big wide inter-webs on this little ole’ blog and I feel validated if and when someone responds to me… hopefully others have viewpoints that will help in my quest for answers!!

I mean, speaking totally off the cuff and just blabbing my “personal” view point… Before ALL children were main streamed and before “no child is left behind”…and honestly before I had children so I did not pay any attention to the issues of the schools, or the children…   I do know it was before the classification of “special needs” became all encompassing… before ADD was diagnosed to such an extreme and meds were prescribed quicker than not, before SpongeBob was introduced as a babysitter, before video games ruled the world…   and frankly before parents quit spanking their kids or even punishing them… let alone the school administration… you know when you were scared to death of the principal (and his paddle) not looking to earn a fun lunch date with him  – and honestly, this wasn’t all that long ago…  things were different!

Let’s get right to the personal nitty- gritty shall we?  Deep and personal… you know how I roll…  I have a baby and he is STRUGGLING with school and probably struggling with more than I care to admit but I am at a point where I must seek any and all help  – to help him…cuz that is the Mama’s MAIN job!

Last year I struggled with sending my baby to kindergarten… after all he was only four and he was a preemie (after 72 days on bed rest IN THE HOSPITAL – have I mentioned that??  AND seriously – he LOVES his Daddy “just a little more” – LOL) and he is my “baby” and I have a slight complex because I have worked since he was very little and have not been a stay at home Mom with him so….aghhhh….  anyhow, unbeknownst to me… he could not attend the schools pre-k program because he would actually be turning 5  – and therefore of kindergarten age – just after school started… and he was excited to go – there is not a drop off separation anxiety with any of my kids and I choose to believe that is because I am raising them so well, thank you very much (Did I ever mention how my middle child, the girl, at 2.5 was hiding from me at Walmart and I finally heard this little voice asking a complete stranger, “Can I go home with you??”  AGHHHHH  – Believe me, we discuss “Stranger Danger” nightly at our house!!)

Okay anyhow, I knew my baby wasn’t ready for kindergarten but having no other option at the time (working Mother, can’t drive her last baby to any other program – again, aghhhhhhhh) I sent him figuring it would be good experience and if need be I could just have him repeat kindergarten… I struggled and struggled with this thought as I did not want to set my child up to fail – even at 5 years old….  Heed my advice now… listen to your gut…  I should have NEVER sent him…. That is a daily struggle of my own and a cross I need to bear – But alas I did send him and we are now repeating kindergarten this year and he is struggling… still… and it is the second time around… and he is still less mature than many of his classmates (although much more mature and better behaved than some – which is quite scary in it’s own)… and although I am not 100% convinced, I am leaning towards the accepting of the fact, that something more may be wrong… He is not just “a boy being a boy”… some of his behaviors are not exactly the norm…  An outsider looking in may just think he is an ACTIVE child but he definitely cannot sit still, he definitely has some co-ordination issues (and NO they are not just the “lack of Grace” as passed on by his Mother), some days he masters all his numbers, letters and site words and impresses us beyond belief by spouting off some math fact or story that is well beyond his level of learning and then some days he acts (and it is NOT “just an act”) like he has never seen or heard numbers, letters or site words before – and he truly can become very distraught over the NOT knowing and understanding.  Some days he strives to do really well and other days he is in the principal’s office by 10 am… school starts at 9 mind you… 

So, we (us and the school) are seeking answers…  How can I help my child?  The current system as I understand it… the school needs to declare an “issue” (NOT what I want – at all – but I NEED the extra help) and psychologically review (OMG – have you ever seen these forms and the format they use for testing) my child and then send all to the child’s doctor who will in turn recommend a course of action  – all of this proper documentation will “allow” the school to continue to provide any needed extra support like speech, occupational therapy etc.  OVERALL I am thrilled with this plan (what are my options??  Homeschooling??  Have you met me???  Others excel at it…me = NO!!!) So,  we are going to work together, we are going to investigate and try courses of action and plans that will work for my baby… we are going to make sure he gets the best possible education and aide him in any way that we can… we are going to ensure he succeeds – if there is a shortfall somewhere, anywhere, we will overcome and adapt…  all we have to do is get the damn forms from/through the doctor who has WAIT FOR IT… 97,000 OTHER cases to review – in his SPARE time – before he will even see my child for further review….  WHAT???????

So – how did we, as a society evolve so far around the “special needs” children that we have all-encompassed far too many other children and created a further hindrance to actually helping those IN-need…not necessarily “special” needs…  Is “mainstreaming” truly the answer for all children?  Is the act of labeling children so hindered by the “restrictions” of the label that we can’t provide the needed service or benefit to help the child. 

How many of those children REALLY need additional help? If they all truly do then we – as a whole – have a much bigger issue here… Dare I guess how many of those kids simply need a good old fashioned spanking?  A little discipline goes along way…parents need to lead by example and I am just saying here…maybe some of their examples SUCK…  Sometimes policies and regulations just SUCK!!

What say you….  I would LOVE any and all input  – I am desperate for reassurance, examples, anything!!

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About ourREALdeal...

Stepford wife and mother? Not hardly...

Posted on February 20, 2013, in family and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Hi Michele, I do sympathize with you Michele, I work with multi handicapped blind children, and let alone being blind is a challenge, add in speech problems, retardation, autism, deaf etc. But these children amaze me; I picked the best field to work in. I am not on the other end of the paper work end of it,(except for keeping notes on the daily day of the child) but when I tell you there are services out there for every child, there is, with some bullshit paper work to go with it. But.. Don’t give up, fight for your Childs right and take it to whatever extreme you have to with your child. I work with some pretty amazing people and it still after 18 years working with the children it brings great joy that the children can still find a way to amaze me, strive, and put a smile on their precious little faces. I will look into some info for you and I would be glad to share it with you, I know there are a lot of websites for parents to help them get started from all angles of the spectrum. I have a friend whom has had to fight since day one with the school districts to get what her son needed, and after 5 years of fighting and learning her rights for him he is now in a great school with the best kids and he is loving life. I will ask her about dr’s, rights etc and pick her brain about this.. Hold strong Michele, You sound like a woman that doesn’t give up. And I would be glad to find out anything you would like to know when it comes to regs and laws and yours and your sons rights.
    I think the best choice you made was sending your son to kindergaton even if he had to repeat, that was just a little more advantage on his end. Social skills i think is a growing problem with kids, they text and hide behind the computor screen and dont know edaquite and how to hold a conversation with others normally.. wow I could write a book on this area…
    As for the spanking and just old fashion punishment for children with lesser problems, yes, society in my eyes has lost its way; let’s just put a child in front of a TV or video game because it’s easier and cheaper than a babysitter. Let’s give them some drugs to calm them instead of teaching them patience and learning skills. Yes some kids and adults DO truely need drugs to focus and its legit, but it over time has been abused also. I thnk consistency is a growing issue in society too. Parents want to be there Childs best friend, instead of the parent. This is a big long subject but I think you are on the right track, Get a Evaluation, ask around for the best place to take him…Ok enough rambling for now Michele, But I will get back to you if that is what you want me to do or need me too do…Hugs and hold strong Michele…

    trish

  2. Michelle, first & foremost, don’t beat yourself up for not being a stay at home mom. I think showing our kids hard work & and dedication teaches our kids more than staying home to watch & reward every burp & fart they make during the day. It was personally not for me, even if it would have financially been an option for me – just not me. Socialization and separation is good for kids – to a certain extent.

    Secondly, I have said FOR YEARS – going on 20 years now, that most kids with “ADD” just need a good swift crack in the ass to snap them out of their bad behavior. Boundaries, limits, manners, they need to be taught, and re-taught, and re-enforced. I don’t care if you think your kid has an attention problem – GET THEIR ATTENTION. It might be tiring, but tell them over & over to stop doing what they are doing. It’s tiring, but eventually, they’ll get it. (In my experience, I’ve made the unprofessional diagnosis that “those kids” are typically kids of parents who had them later in life, which, can truly cause a birth defect, but let’s face it, parenting is HARD WORK, it’s not for lazy or tired people – and I’m going to tell you what, at 42 if I had a kid right now I don’t think my mind or body could handle it! My kids would be running a muck!) I also DO agree some children probably do have a mental disconnect, but I think a lot of lazy parents, doctors (and some teachers, honestly) are so quick to shove a pill down kids throats without asking the parents first – “Do you discipline and follow through?” or “Do you say ‘In five more minutes I’m going to put you in time out if you don’t stop it'” and then let five minutes go by while the behavior is continuing. (I’ve witnessed parents with “ADD” kids say that, honest to god).

    Lastly, I have to say that I am so thankful my kids do not have any major problems with anything, so maybe I don’t have the right to comment – and it’s hard to say how I would feel, or what I would do truly faced with that reality, but I can say as an outsider, don’t deny it any longer, admit it, own it and help him. Ignoring things will certainly not make anything better, right? It doesn’t make you a bad mother or “breeder” (lol) if that’s what you think admitting your son having a problem means. It just means he needs help and he needs to see how strong you are and how hard you are going to work to do everything you can for him.

    I probably didn’t make any friends with my comments here, but hey, it’s a rant, right?

    • Thanks MT – We really are cut of the same cloth!! I stayed home for about five years with the first two and honestly I hated it… I would rather be able to feed my family – know what I mean?? Now if I was independently wealthy that would be a whole ‘nother story!!

  3. Don’t settle….You are the parent. Go with your gut. I need to think about this a little bit and I will get back to you. Hang in there. Also check out Wrightslaw on facebook. They may be able to answer some questions for you.

  4. Hey girl…I HIGHLY recommend contacting the Kirch Center at Strong for an evaluation. If there is something there, they will find it! They are the premier ADD/Aspergers/Autism diagnostic specialists in the area. They can pinpoint language processing, audio processing and a myriad of other problems that you have never even heard of. They are incredibly professional and thorough and you will leave there knowing what course of education and help is best for your baby. We used them for our oldest (they confirmed an ADD without hyperactivity diagnosis and ruled out some other possible problems.) She continues to do quite well WITHOUT MEDICATION while following their prescribed outline for organizational and in school assistance. If I can be a shoulder or an ear, please give me a call…prayers for momma, baby and the rest of the family during this stressful and emotional time…

    • Thank you so much Eva… this is exactly what I needed to hear! I think we have same Ped. – did you have to go through him to get referred?? If so – did you have a hang up at Peds.?? Your child is AMAZING so I am feeling 100% better right this minute! I am sooooo apposed (sp??) to medication for this…. because I know when I deal with him 1 on 1 he is fine – maybe it takes more with him but it is do-able!!! I would love to chat more!! Thank you again!!!!

      • I don’t know if it helps you but I understand. The twins were born premature and HAD to follow up at Childrens with so many specialists. When we had to go in for evaluations and they said they were behind and they suggested Early Intervention I was devastated. Turns out it was the best thing I think that could have happened. we did receive alot of help with PT, OT, Speech, Special Ed teacher help. It did help that I was home to get them what they needed. However, it is a trade for financial stability. i understand not everyone can do it. I really felt I didn’t have a choice. And When we were then reevaluated by CPSE through the school they STILL qualified for services. Although I denied the help. They twins are doing very well in the Pre-K level now and it is a blessing that their birthday is in January and they are older than many of their peers. I suggest calling the doctor office daily to get the paperwork pushed thru for an evaluation enough where they will want to get you out of their hair sooner than later. Or ask if they can reccomend another pediatrician who can help? We go to Suburban pediatrics in Williamsville. I like it there but they can be slow. Keep at it and listen to your instinct. Hope he gets help soon so you both can enjoy school more.

      • Thanks Shan. – I will do whatever it takes!! I appreciate the support!!!

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